How often we say to ourselves: "What bum luck!" or "Look at that, I attracted another unavailable guy/girl--Another wacky boss: Could this be my fate in life?" It seems that (and I could be looking in the mirror, here, myself, as I talk to you!) like attracts like. No, really! I actually think that physics has a theory about this---though I don't claim to understand the physics part.
If I perceive myself as a victim, it is no coincidence that I will attract either fellow victims or victimizers. Perhaps we send off a "vibe" that says "kick me" and someone with the same vibe or with the "kick her" vibe picks up the vibration and proceeds either join the whine-fest or to give us something to whine about.
Gandhi said: "Be the change you wish to see in the world" ; and, lately, we keep hearing a lot about "The Law of Attraction." Remember that guy in the Student Center at school who thought he was pretty special? The one who got a lot of female attention? You may have said to yourself : "What does he have? He isn't particularly funny or clever or, even, attractive--yet, he seems to have constant female companionship.
I guess they call it Confidence. Not the bragging, annoying, full-of-you-know-what kind of confidence, just a healthy sense of self-esteem. It's the opposite of neediness. It's more like: "I-like-myself-so-why-wouldn't you like me-too?" And "I don't need to prove anything. And, "I'm-wanting-this-job/girl-guy-but-I'll-have-other-opportunities-if-this-one-doesn't-turn-out-for-me." In short, "I'm-not-desperate."
There's an advantage to having good-enough parenting. But, there is also something we Hypnotherapists call "A Trance State." What this really means, is that at some time earlier in our lives, we made some decisions about who we were and how we needed to behave. These decisions may have been crucial to our childhoods, but they may not be working for us now.
So, how do we get out of this state of attracting the negative and start attracting the positive? I know, it's easier said than done. One way is to actually subconsciously go back to those good ol' days, that may not have been so good--and to remember them accurately. To remember how we came to think of ourselves the way we did, or how we developed the habits that are not serving us now, in our present lives.
Why do this? It's to help us look at the past, see its reasons, and then make conscious decisions about how to deal with the present. Are we behaving in healthy ways? Are we treating ourselves well? Are we taking the time we need to prepare healthy meals? Do some fun things in our lives? Try something new; something we've always been interested in? Trust our own instincts? (Not the impulse/habit driven messages inside, but the inner-voice/"higher self" kind of messages.)
This is why most healthy people come to therapy/hypnotherapy. They want to find out what's blocking them from achieving their goals. As Pogo, the political cartoon character, once said: "We has seen the enemy and he is us." Yes, we can be our own worst enemies; but, we can also be our own best friends. For me, it takes some substantial support from the outside: a sponsor; a nutritionist; a therapist; a mastermind group. I don't think it's so easy to change on one's own. I mean who's the worst person to develop a realistic food plan for a compulsive overeater (like myself, though I keep it in check with OA a day at a time)--certainly not me!
It takes a little courage to admit that, yes, we had problems in our childhoods; but who's causing/or at least not finding solutions to our problems now? My boss and the boss before him/her? My boy/girlfriend and the boy/girlfriend before him/her? It's those old messages that need some tweaking! If we keep looking at the outside world and saying: "Poor me! I get the short end of the stick all the time!"--that'll get us nowhere fast.
So, what's it gonna be: being reactive in my own life--or being proactive ? I know it's not easy and I've certainly been the "kick me" person at times in my life. But, I do feel like at least I'm working at more conscious, honest living--and, at least for me--that takes a lot of support. My support team consists of: my very Zen therapy-supervisor; my A.D.D. therapist (Yes, I have A.D.D. but that's another entry); my Hypnotherapy group (We snap one another out of our life-trances all the time!);my Mastermind group; my Twelve-Step (OA) sponsor; my A.D.D. psychiatrist (I believe in pharmacology and I take medication for my A.D.D. & don't know how I'd function without it!); my many wise friends, colleagues and family members.
Between this extensive support team and myself, I can usually figure out ways to handle-at least as best I can--life's challenges. That way I don't have to blame whatever's happening to me on you or on another innocent or not so innocent--but that's their problem--I can only work on mine--"victimizer." No, I'm not perfect & I sure slip up sometimes, but, at least, I'm working on it.....I guess that's about the best I can do right now. I do aspire to "Be the change (I) want to see in the world." And it takes a lot of outsiders to help, but it's really an inside job.
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