Most Americans of boomer-or-below ages haven’t lived through a crisis as frightening as the one we are dealing with now. Boomers’ parents lived through WWII, the Great Depression, some of them lived through the Holocaust in Europe.
We Westerners were never prepared for the unpredictable Covid-19, where are sheltering in place, we aren’t sure about what protects us, who might be immune or when it will be safe to go out again. We are frightened about money and restless to resume normal life. Normal Life? We may never shake hands or kiss people on both cheeks (as the French do) again.
And, yes, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson (also a breast cancer survivor) got better after contracting the virus, and they’ve even come home from Australia, where they caught Covid-19 and got sick from it, but survived.
But we can’t know at this time who will get this virus and whether if we get it, we will be able to live through it. I have some cousins who are pediatricians, where my cousin Jen tested positive and her husband, Sam, tested negative. Jen’s fine now and both of them are still working in the hospital.
My sweet daughter-in-law Flore in France got it and she was very sick for a while, but my son and grandson only got mild cases of it. (Do they need to disinfect everything? Are they now immune? Nobody knows.) Note that since she contracted the virus, we’ve learned that stomach symptoms, which were the first symptoms she had, may be the first signs of Covid-19, with other signs coming later.
My son at the Veteran’s Administration is still seeing patients, since he tells me the VA’s telecommunications don’t work reliably. (How sad that we have enough money for more and more weapons, but not enough to adequately protect the men and women who risk their lives to keep us safe or to protect those who keep our heroes well.) He bought his own mask online.
For myself and my partner, we are over seventy, so we’ve been at home since the Pandemic started. Though, occasionally, Ron goes out with gloves and mask to grocery shop or do other errands. (This youTube video suggests that there are other important protections besides a mask and gloves. If you care to watch it, here is the link: https://youtu.be/sjDuwc9KBps.)
I think another challenge, aside from the main one of staying well through this crazy time, is to stay mentally healthy. Some of the suggestions I’ve heard from my clients and colleagues are: Try to establish a routine (and don’t beat yourself up if you can’t seem to adhere to it in some perfect way); Try to learn something new. (I find the Babbleapp helpful, if you’ve always wanted to learn a language.) ; Use the Internet to connect with friends and loved ones on Zoom, Skype, or Facetime. I’ve been going to two to three OA 12-step meetings per week and family meetings on Zoom every Saturday night. I’ve had several playdates with my grandson on Skype, and, as a psychotherapist, I have continued to see my clients and colleagues on Facetime and Zoom.
Mental health columnist and practitioner Phillip Chard, suggests that for some personalities routine may actually increase anxiety. So, the same tips may not work for all.
I find entertainment is helpful. I watch interesting films, documentaries, and any form
of online entertainment that can relieve the barrage of news about the virus all day. Yes, stay informed. Heed the warnings. We need to stay informed and heed the warnings about self-quarantining and disinfecting, but don’t OD on the news.
I try to remember the brave Holocaust survivors, one in particular, Aaron Elster, who, when the Nazis lined up his family, with him as the youngest, his father told him, “Run!” From the age of seven to nine, thanks to some neighbors Holocaust survivors call “Righteous Gentiles”, Aaron crouched in an attic. (See “Sixty Minutes Overtime” for his story). And he was the only one in his family who made it through the Holocaust alive.
This is a time so many have shown their love, especially those on the front line. the health care workers, and police and firefighters and first responders who put their own lives on the line. But also the grocery store workers and letter-carriers, truckers and those with the skills to make protective masks. Even those of us at home can show one another great love by calling old friends and new, or people we know who might be alone or depressed and being supportive to one another. I know my 12-step OA Zoom meetings are lifesavers. And talking to my friends who live in Milwaukee and Florida, California, Virginia, Indiana, Tennessee, Kentucky and North Carolina and gathering with family members gather at our Zoom Saturday Nights to check in, exchange recipes and ideas can really pick up my spirits.
I’ve changed my work availability to six days per week. I find, as the old saying goes, “Our clients come to heal us.” That is, perhaps, why I find our sessions just about as healing as, hopefully, they do. And I do phone sessions with my own therapist (yes, therapists need their own therapists!) every week, as well.
And I find when I’m not working or writing, my partner and I watch films, television or cable series, or I read or listen to books on my phone app.
Making a gratitude list daily, learning things I always wanted to learn, but never had time for, and writing (using my creative side) when I am not working with clients (also using my creative side) to be crucial. So often, I think, We, in our generation, mostly didn’t worry about running out of food, water or medication.
Here are some of my favorite movies, cable and television shows,
and books, should you have access to a computer, television, or cell phone.
Films/Documentaries
A Man Called Ove
Antonia’s Line
The African Queen
Baby Boom
Baghdad Café
The Big Sick
The Book Club
Bread and Tulips
The Driving Lesson
Downton Abbey(the movie)
Embrace
Enchanted April
The English Teacher
Fargo
Fences
Finding Your Feet
Five Flights Up
The Fundamentals of Caring
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
Heartburn
Hidden Figures
How Stella Got Her Groove Back
How to Get Over a Breakup
Hysteria
If These Knishes Could Talk: The Story of the New York Accent
The Intouchables
It’s Complicated
Jenny’s Wedding
Maggie’s Plan
Mama Mia
Mama Mia, Here We Go Again
Mask
Moonstruck
Most Exotic Marigold Hotel I
Most Exotic Marigold Hotel II
Out of Africa
Passion Fish
Ricky and the Flash
Shirley Valentine
Silkwood
The Silver Linings Playbook
Stanley & Iris
The Tango Lesson
Tea with Mussolini
Transamerica
Turtle Diary
Unconditional Love
An Unmarried Woman
Waiting to Exhale
BBC Series/Often on PBS
Agatha Raisin
The Bletchley Circle
Call the Midwife
Doc Martin
Downton Abbey
Mum
Netflix Series/Specials
Atypical
The Crown
Grace and Frankie
Kim’s Convenience
The Kominsky Method
Special
Unorthodox
Amazon Prime Movies and Series
Brittany Runs a Marathon
Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
New in Town
Transparent
NOTE: movies can be rented or bought on Amazon Prime by going to Amazon.comand finding the movie you like and then clicking on the part that says “Watch on Amazon”. (Of course, you have to be an Amazon Prime subscriber). Usually, these rentals are $4.95 apiece or so—and you don’t have to worry about your library being closed.
Hulu
The Handmaid’s Tale
Shrill
This is Us
Cable TV
Barry-HBO
Big Little Lies-HBO
Episodes-Showtime
Game of Thrones-HBO (not for the faint of heart)
Gentleman Jack”-HBO
Homeland-HBO
Insecure-HBO
The Morning Show–HBO/Apple TV
The Newsroom -HBO
Broadcast Television on Demand
Madam Secretary
Mom
Scandal
Books /for Reading or Listening
The Alice Network by Kate Quinn
The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativityby Julia Cameron
The Bette Davis Club by Jane Lotter
Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
The Cactus by Sarah Haywood
Daisy Jones and the Six: A Novel by Taylor Jenkins Reid
Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes
Heartburnby Nora Ephron
Homework: A Memoir by Julie Andrews
The Help by Kathryn Stockett
How to Walk Away by Katherine Center
I Almost Forgot About You by Terry McMillan
It’s Not All Downhill From Here by Terry McMillan
In Grace’s Time by Kathie Giorgio
The Love Song of Miss Queenie Hennessy by Rachel Joyce
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb
Mrs. Saint and the Defectivesby Julie Lawson Timm
My Life So Far: A Memoir by Jane Fonda
The Nightingale by Kristen Hannah
One Day in December by Josie Silver
The Rosie Effectby Graema Simsion
The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion
The Sage’s Tao Te Ching: A New Interpretation by William Martin
She Wants It by Jill Soloway
Something in the Water by Catherine Steadman
Still Life with Breadcrumbs by Anna Quindlen
Where’d You Go, Bernadette? by Maria Semple
When Life Gives You Lululemons by Lauren Weisberger
The Wife by Meg Wolitzer
Where the Crawdads Singby Delia Owens
Whisper Networkby Chandler Baker
And anything by spiritual author Eckhart Tolle on YouTube, or in his books, “The Power of Now”
and/or “A New Earth”
So, how am I writing about Lovein the Time of Covid-19? I guess it’s because we are all in the same
boat and we’re managing to connect and support one another. We are reaching out to help one another. After all, we are living in a corporeal society during much less corporeal times. But, for ourselves and one another, we are making do and helping each other. In
my book, that’s love!
By Linda Benjamin, LCSW
Psychotherapist & author of Girls’ Guide to Ageing With Grit and Gusto: A Memoir and Six Interviews. Website: epiphanyinmysixties.com
·
Psychotherapist & author of Girls’ Guide to Ageing With Grit and Gusto: A Memoir and Six Interviews. Website: epiphanyinmysixties.com
No comments:
Post a Comment