The Game Ain't Over Till It's Over

I think it was Yogi Berra who said, "The game ain't over till it's over." For me, these are defining words that I want to share with all of you. As young as my early-thirties, I began worrying about aging. Would I age like this Aunt or like this friend's mother? I happened across a book written by a beautiful "older" (Well, she was older, at 55, than I was, at 32!) gray-haired model, Kaylin Pickford. Kaylin had written a book, called "Always A Woman," and in it she put her musings and beautiful photographs of her dancing and traveling and reading and enjoying life.

I found her book so inspiring that whenever a woman-friend was having a birthday, I bought her a copy of Kaylin's book as a gift. The comments I got back were in the nature of: "Oh, sure, it's easy to be 'older' if you're thin and rich and beautiful!" So, I set out to collect a book of interviews with women who were not the typical model types.

I needed to know myself that I need not fear growing older; that I would have some years of joyous living to look forward to. I saw that, in our culture, being a woman "of age" was going to be a challenging proposition. I needed some role models so that I didn't have to believe that I would become less desirable, less interesting, less to-be-listened-to as I got older. I mean, I wanted to grow older and not just wither away.

I had occasion to interview Maggie Kuhn, the founder of the Gray Panthers, when she was 70-something.
I still have the pictures. She was nobody's "little old lady"; she was a force to be reckoned with. I met an 80 year old actress in New York who had started her career, taking classes in her 60s; got some parts in her 70s; and made some films in her 80s. I interviewed women who were going back to school; women who were finding new love in their lives; women who had survived widowhood and breast cancer and were, despite thinking that their lives were over, were now flourishing.

I even interviewed Olympia Dukakis, who won the Academy-Award for Best Supporting Actress in the film, "Moonstruck." She was smart and quite the well-read feminist. (She gave me a reading list!) Actually, she was doing a film in Montreal and I interviewed her at brunch in her hotel. She had just finished her daily yoga routine and in person was a rather glamorous willowy blonde, not-at-all the boxy gray-headed lady (not that there's anything wrong with that) that she looks to be in films.

I guess I secretly felt that growing older would mean being less empowered; less interesting; less attractive.
Actually, I have found that it's just the opposite. I don't feel disempowered, uninteresting, unattractive--at all. And I've come to care less that others might see me in that way. I mean, I hate when somebody says, "at your age"--as much as a Jew might hate the stereotype of being cheap or a Polish person might hate the stereotype of being dumb. (And, by the way, I am both Jewish and Polish-American and am neither cheap or dumb!) What, exactly, does that mean: "at your age"?

For myself, in my sixties, I've moved across the country; traveled to several foreign countries; learned a bit of French; started a psychotherapy practice; am doing my internship in Hypnotherapy; made some wonderful friends; had some interesting relationships; my sons are launched and independent, living lives of their own; I've become a "Frequent Contributor" on Milwaukee Public Radio's Lake Effects Program, where I write and tape my pieces for airing  on the radio---and I get to talk to you on this blog. Who says life is over for women "of a certain age"? For me, much of the time (and--hey, I have my days, just like anybody else), it feels (Okay, I said I wasn't always feeling on-top-of-the-world, didn't I?)--well, some days, anyway-- like it's just beginning.