Making An Honest Woman of Me

Because in my "other" life, my life as a therapist, it is essential to my clients that I keep my private life private,
I cannot say to them: "I've been lonely before." I heard those words in a song by Madeleine Peyroux and I said to myself: "Yes." I said that, not because I wanted the beautiful and talented singer/songwriter, Madeleine Peyroux, to be lonely; but, because her words speak of a universal feeling--a feeling that we all have, at times, married or single, with or without children; whether we are movie stars or just plain quiet folk.

And for me, loneliness is an inside job. I've been lonely in the middle of a family party and home alone on a night I'd rather be with a "significant other." I've also been lonely with a significant other. I asked my friends or they've told me that they are lonely sometimes, too. One of them lives on a large property with all of her children and grandchildren living there, too. Another lives with a troubled husband, who's had a series of emotional breakdowns. Still another lives at the epicenter of her community, yet she's living "a life of quiet desperation," as T.S.Eliot might say.

Loneliness is not so much a fact; it's more of a state of mind. How do we comfort ourselves in our moments of loneliness? For some of us, it's as easy as picking up the phone to call a friend; some of us go to twelve-step-meetings, to connect with other like-minded people; some of us write a gratitude list; others do volunteer work or paint or exercise or do something that brings them into a state we call "flow." It's a state of mindfully being in the moment, not looking back at the past with regret or looking forward and worrying about a future that may never happen.

If you see me, with my therapist's hat on; or at one of my twelve-step-meetings (OA) you may think I haven't a care in the world. And, probably, compared to what some people are coping with, I don't. But,
to tell the truth, like Madeleine Peyroux, I get lonely sometimes, too.

It's not that I don't enjoy my solitude at times. How else would I be writing to you? Sometimes I need the solitude, once I settle in and stop resisting it. I need it to re-focus or meditate or organize myself and reflect on what needs doing in my life.

But, let's be clear on this: in every life--if we're not escaping through drugs or alcohol or food or compulsive relationships or gambling or shopping--we are going to feel the tough feelings too. All of us, we humans, have those feelings. And I do too. And, you, you who have been reading this blog, you are my companions on this journey. When I feel those tough feelings, I turn to you. Did you know you were making an honest woman of me? Did you know that, just by taking the time to read these scribblings of mine, you were making a difference for me? Well, you are; and, I thank you for that. I talk to you when I think I have no one to talk to.